Back from film studies screening, at a godawful hour of the evening, and with nobody but you lovely people to sqoon at!

Say you've just, I don't know, spent an hour arguing about what film to watch, and you've narrowed down to a choice of four:
  • a knockabout buddy comedy about two criminals on the run
  • An all-singing romantic musical
  • A serious drama about a great man restoring his dignity after terrible tragedy
  • An exciting action-adventure thriller, complete with explosions, chases and train heists
Oh to live in India when the inevitable TV argument breaks out! Sholay does all four of these, and crucially, does them well. I did laugh. I did cry. I did feel stirred, and excited.

According to our lecture, it's known as the "masala principle" - yes, like the meal, which refers to the mixture of spices. Apparently, it's a deliberate ideal of Indian cinema - and one I rather like - to put the audience through the whole gamut of emotion, instead of just focusing on one. We (or at any rate, I) tend to be suprised by cross-genre works - the romance in Rear Window; the thriller in Casablanca. Horror films should be scary, dramas serious. There are no such genres in Hindi cinema - because in general, films are nowhere near that limited.

No wonder they're so popular - during the slapstick bits, I was thinking "Ooooh, Friend 5 will like this!"; and then later, during some of the actiony sequences, I wondered if I should get a copy of Friend 3 for Christmas. When we got into Wild West territory, I wondered whether dad had ever stuck this on while doing something else over a long afternoon. And, of course, if you asked me what the film was about, I'd say "buddy movie" straight off. It even has a coin that keeps coming down heads!

To fit all that in, it's no wonder this epic ran to something like 3 hours - which most of the Film Studies seemed to resent, if the applause and hasty exodus at the end were anything to go by. Lucky for them, then, that the Indian Censor's board actually trimmed it by 16 minutes. I enjoyed every darn minute of it - I feel films should be long. Two years back, I tried being obsessed with Reservoir Dogs, and even though I made a pretty good try, there really wasn't enough there. It's only 96 minutes, and they're a pretty thin 96 at that, and it soon comes to a rather poor choice between writing fanfiction or just rewatching the movie again. Compare to, say, Lord of the Rings - three films, and if that's not enough, some 8 books, not to mention all the scholarship and nerdery those 8 can generate. But there is a point where that runs out too - maybe that's why I've got into Doctor Who in such a big way? Because there are hundreds of episodes - the total running time beats most director's whole careers. And even more books. And an ever expanding series of audio plays. And graphic novels. And then there's the spinoffs. At this point, it doesn't look like I'll reach the end of all that for quite a while.

Which might explain why my regard for Sholay is so high - it's long enough that you can't take it in in one sitting, making it presumably rewatchable. And as it's so cross-generic (is that a real term?), it'll match any mood. You can just sit down and get lost in it. I remember at the time of my Godfather patch, complaining something of this sort: that seeing a film is OK, until it's over - at which point you want to know more, see more, experience more of the backstory and little details, know what's in the rooms the characters don't enter and generally immerse yourself in the world. Being a fan of a long running TV show with myriad cashins and spinoffs appears to come closer to this ideal than any film ever has.


There is another reason I liked it. Perhaps it was deliberate, so as not to isolate us daft Westerners entirely, but I thought it was a bizzare pick to demonstrate Hindi cinema because it borrowed so liberally from American genres. At times it plays like a greatest hits of all the westerns you've ever seen, starting act one, scene one "pan down onto a train arriving at a dusty station". Once they get the "Butch Cassidy with subtitles" bit out of the way, they're straight onto Seven Samuri, protecting a small village from evil bandits, with a bit of Dollars More-style vengeance on the side, and thats even before you get to the 8 minute shot for shot tribute to Once Upon a Time in the West. The use of sound is completely Sergio Leone (the chilling sound of the swing), and there are certain bits of music you'd swore were ripped from Morricone too. Particularly, the whistling (Cheyenne's theme, anyone?), the harmonica (duh...) and that harsh, screaming atonal tune they whipped out for the confrontation at the end.

Now there's nothing wrong, in principle at least, with ripping off other movies. I wrote a western script soon after I'd seen Once Upon a Time in the West, though it owed more to L.A. Confidential now I look at it again; I also wrote a script for a very Coens-y "crime out of control" caper in my Reservoir Dogs patch, and of course, remade Fellowship of the Ring. But none of these - no, not even the remake - were as blatant as a particular patch in the middle of a flashback.

Other than that, I didn't particularly mind. Sergio Leone pinched as much as he was pinched from, and it was a very good "uber-western" if you can stop yourself labelling the influences. It's just...even though Sholay's take on that scene was easily as effective, as scary, as upsetting, it still struck me as something too brilliant and iconic to nab. Especially because the moment the family at the happy homestead showed up on screen, I thought "now I know what's on the way..." QT had the right idea. Pinch the plot of City on Fire - a movie no one's ever heard of - remake it better, and maybe you can get away with it. Although Sholay's influences are very clear indeed, it's crucial to add they match the films they emulate. It's no better, or worse, or even different to any of the movies namechecked above. As such, it's a definite recommend for fans of the genre.

It's such a sixties film too - granted, it was made in the 70s. The Butch Cassidy nod wasn't just for a buddy movie with bicycles: the whole style and use of the camera at times reminded me too.

It's got all the normal stuff too, like great performances (particularly liked Singh) and very exciting direction. Rajha was impossibly serene, but at least she was nice to look at. Which was pretty much her role in the plot, as far as I could tell. The train heist was great, as was the Basanti's dance at a pivotal moment. Now, that felt like proper Hindi cinema - a gorgeous blend of the Western setting and uniquely Eastern song'n'dance, wrapped up in a sort of concept which wouldn't be out of place in myth - the woman who dances to save her lover (Beren and Luthien before Morgoth, much?). According to our lecturer, most Bollywood movies can be derived from a mythic source - which was a strange thing to say, because I believe that is true of all fiction (i.e. whether you're a Christian or not, the idea of a hero who seems to die, then returns, or the concept of self sacrifice for the good of many are very strong in our culture, literature and movies. And I don't just mean Narnia. Doctor Who, for one, and that's one of the most athiest shows going. Well, maybe humanist - you certainly can't accuse it of a religious agenda)

The other thing I disagreed with our lecturer on was his dismissal of the term "Bollywood". He took it as a suggestion that Hindi cinema is a mere imitation of Hollywood, whereas I have always understood it to suggest an equal status. British, French, Russian, Chinese cinemas don't get their own -ollywood after all, and the Brits in particular are guilty of imitating American films. And especially before showing us a movie which, far from exemplefying the uniqueness of Indian culture, actually clings to an established American genre for its lifeblood. He also suggested there was some colonial sneering in the fact we still call "Bombay movies" B-ollywood, instead of using Mumbai, but personally that's just because I reckon Mollywood would sound daft.

Anyway, I'm still in that "new favourite film" sort of glow, which usually washes off in a few hours. Hope it does, for your sakes, otherwise I'll be making you watch it at Christmas...



There are a few other things worth saying about our Film Studies lectures in general. The first is the demonstration of the maxim "all power corrupts" - our lecturer must have been silently annoyed, like the dripping of a tap, by all those little cinema gripes. Now he's in charge of his own screening, he's elected himself king of his own little kingdom. Not that I mind - mobiles off, food away, all things I agree with. I am also endeared to him by the fact he insists on us sitting through the credits. I hate nothing more than people switching off the DVD halfway through the playout theme. Not counting, y'know, genocide and poverty. The mood just vanishes from the room instantly, but keeping the music keeps the atmosphere and gives you a chance to process your response. Two notable examples are Blade Runner, where I need that dark pulsing Vangelis to deal with the unicorn, and Reservoir Dogs, where the chuckling smirk of instantly "Lime and the Coconut" gives the audience a release for the tension, and provides a great contrast. As if to say to those of us, with tears standing in our eyes and stomachs crunched from sympathetic wincing, "Hey, folks? It's only a movie..."

The other thing is his insistance on using genuine 35mm film instead of, say, projecting a DVD. I think it's just something that only a film buff could understand. DVDs are clean and clear quality - watching real film is akin to the Grindhouse experience. Scratches all over the place, the sound dipping in and out, or vanishing entirely; bits of the image getting lost, or going interesting colours; hearing the reel scratch and seeing the bright flash of colour when it's changed. In Sholay's case, truly inadequate and hard to read subtitles. In terms of immersive hi-def experience, it's easy to count the disadvantages. But I think it's something we all instinctively understand, that watching it on "proper film" is part of the magic, which a DVD can never touch; like a proper music buff refuses abandon LPs.

This has been cross posted to Cinecism, for those of you keeping score at home.

In other news: there are some negative aspects to the student life. One of them is laziness. Imagine me now, gentle reader, eating dry cerial (can't be bothered to go for milk), off a plate (can't be bothered to wash a bowl), with a fork (ditto spoon), while drinking Fanta from a measuring jug - not brave enough to touch the mugs. Now I'm going to attempt to fry pasta without sauce, and eat it out of my top hat with a straining spoon...
RANDOM THINGS I LOVE no1

Women wearing burqas in public
The burqa has become a universal symbol of female repression. But I can't help a small smile of pride when I see women wearing them. Why? Well, even though some must be hating it, and though it conflicts with our ideas of freedom et al - I know many are wearing it through a conscious religious and social choice. With our negative image in mind, it takes extra bravery to adopt a dress you believe to be right, in full knowledge of the stigma and hostility it suggests.

RANDOM THINGS I HATE no1

"Do not play" signs
I hate decorative pianos. The whole point of putting a piano in the corner of the room is so that a passing genius (me, say) can sit down out of the blue and entertain people, right? A lone piano is an invitation.
Having gone on a Latin binge today, today people will be given Latin derivations of their names. This is cooler, I think, than the Numbers given on a Prisoner day, the Lady ---- of ---- used after reading too many Regency novels, and identifying everyone with a comedy vegitable.

Just back from winning the pub quiz again! Our team, "Yes! The bar's open!" was significantly diminished today, as not everyone could be bothered - but the core was there and that was what counted.

We're a great team, and not for a minute is that anything to do with me. I'm still waiting for my uber-obscure Doctor Who question to come up. No - our success lies in Beormundi and Inritus. Why? They study history.

Not intrinsically a great skill you say - so they can get the history questions right? So what? Wrong, my friend, very wrong. A historian has interest in wars and dates, but also of Geography and Politics too - both old and modern. Combine those questions together, and my rather dodgy film knowledge isn't so impressive. Also, they tend to ask very easy English-related questions, which make me think the quizmasters aren't in that corner of the humanities department.

What I do know is one of them is a massive Bond fan. This is because every time, there are at least two Bond related questions. This week, it was his brand of cigarettes (Chesterfields, apparently) and how many Roger Moore movies (Beormundi and I sorted out them out on the back of a beer mat - there are 7). The question setter also regards him as the best Bond ever.

I do secretly hate the Classical music questions - everyone automatically looks at me, not because I know a lot on the subject, but because I know anything at all. I still feel I have a duty to get it right, however. This week, I screwed up on who composed Carnival of the Animals (Camille Saint-Saens, which I did know I suppose, because he wrote the Swan; I guessed Debussy. I knew it was someone French); but earnt my place on the team on the music round. They ask for Composer, name and Movement name for classical pieces - this week's was Hall of the Mountain King, but I correctly got Edvard Grieg and Peer Gynt to make up the points. Also, I identified the members of Flight of the Conchords. That was my contribution.

I felt I should have got the LOTR question - how many oscars in total did it win? Well I knew ROTK had won 11, and the other two had won some: Inritus insisted FOTR had 7, which already put us on 18. In actual fact, it was only 17. Oh well...

Gemina is our scribe, and really comes into her usefullness during the music round - she's up to speed on all things modern, while my knowledge stops in about 1984. Alacrita is with English; as I already noted, however, the English questions aren't terrifically challenging - more like general knowledge. Her contribution was getting the age that Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison all died at.

Good evening. Love quizzes, especially winning them; but they're still fun anyway. It was particularly satisfying to beat the table next door, who were texting AQA for the answers.This is the third time we've done the quiz, and the third time we've placed - we won a fiver the first time, the next time we got a free pint for coming second - this time, we got both. Total prize was £13, which split between 5 came to £3 each - a profit of £2. This I have put in a pot, and it may go towards more Battles in Time cards next time I'm near Forbidden Planet. You never know...

I let Gemina have my drink - it was late, and I didn't particularly feel like anything, not even a soft drink. I stuck around for a bit after that - the guys played pool, I listened to the Pipettes which they were playing on the speakers. We were going to watch a movie, but it got late.

It's a shame, really, because the highlight of Beormundi's evening was managing to perfectly pot a pool ball, via jumping it over a pool cue laid across the table, and I think the idea was that was what it'd be remembered for. Unfortunately, about five minutes later Inritus almost took out my eye with a pool ball; so next time a ball flew off the table, Beormundi ducked, slipped on the floor, whooshed onto his back and brought down another table with him, and sending a pint glass dizzying across the room.

It was a mercy no one was injured, not even a little. As no one had been, the event was hilarious - Inritus was literally on the floor with laughter, the rest of the bar didn't seem to notice. We cleared up and quietly left. Not going to live it down. Ever.



The only other thing that deserves a mention is a scene I viewed in the Bay Lounge TV room. A large gaggle of guys and girls decended on the sofas, evidently to watch a film, and a small cabal of the girls were saying "We think we should watch The Notebook!" I tried hard not to giggle.

Now I don't know if you've heard of The Notebook, but check out IMDb and you'll discover it's a real girly girl movie, all about tragic lost love. Whenever some well meaning soul on a classic movie board complains that girls under 18 are dragging the rating down, they will always drag up The Notebook as the type of dross we vote highly for. The idea of these poor lads being forced through it was enough to make me smirk. I don't know the outcome...
Today I went to my first student protest! Yeah! Oh, we smashed the system all right!



Well, maybe "quietly dismantled" it - everyone was completely pleasant, and disappointingly non radical. Very little chanting happened. We didn't even get riot police - only a nice chap with an incongruously MASSIVE gun who came over to explain that his job was to protect us and our right to hold a protest, enquire politely what our cause was and after explaining his job required him to be neutral and apolitical, give us tacit support.

Anyway, as I understand it, the issues are the least important part of any protest - it's all about shouting, the media and looking cool while stickin' it to the man. Nevertheless, our protest was anti Proposition 8, which to crib from Wikipedia:

Proposition 8 was a California State ballot proposition that amended the state Constitution to restrict the definition of marriage to a union between a man and a woman. It overrode a recent California Supreme Court decision that had recognized same-sex marriage in California as a fundamental right. The official ballot title language for Proposition 8 is "Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry." The entirety of the text to be added to the constitution was: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."

I think we can all agree that that's wrong. If you don't, then it's not "get the hell off my blog" time - I'm interested in what you have to say. But you're still wrong. Do some research on the internet, and the pro-Prop 8 propaganda is really quite disgusting, hilarious and manipulative, whatever you feel on the issue - gay marriage will directly result in cute little children being eaten alive by lions and tigers. Yeh, right. Also, I don't understand how they can say "We're not bigoted, but we don't want our children to learn about gay marriage". It's a contradiction in terms - the implication is, "I don't want my child learning that gay lifestyle is an option".

I sympathise that there is a time and a place for kids to be exposed to ideas like this - or in saying that, am I in fact reconfirming the idea that heterosexuality is "right", and homosexuality, while it should be legal and celebrated, is something that should stay in the minority? I never claimed to be perfect. Certainly it's something I would want to talk about with any child of mine, to let them know I'm open to whatever they want - but all the same, I would feel uncomfortable having this conversation at too young an age, even though in a perfect and equal world there should be no difference or distinction at all. I wouldn't have the horror attack this woman has (http://protectmarriage.com/video/view/5), when her little darling comes home claiming she can marry a princess. And true equality can never happen until a generation of children grow up without bigotry.

I'd been privately fuming about the idea for days now, so when I got an invite to a protest half an hour before it was due to start, it was an easy yes. I joined H--- across the road, and armed with posters, we set off for Grosvenor Square and the US Embassy.

The tube is hilarious on weekends, as someone in London Transport rolls a dice and flips coins and shuts arbitary lines just to see what happens. For some arcane reason, probably related to ley lines and the movement of the moon in conjunction with Venus, this tends to fall on the Jubilee line - specifically, the part of the Jubilee line I need to go anywhere from Finchley Road. So H---- and I craftily attempted to take the Metropolitan Line to Baker Street, then swop onto the Bakerloo line.

Unfortunately, everyone else had had this idea too, which meant by the time we got there it just wasn't funny.

Now, to an angry Londoner, the honour of the tube is inviolate. This is why if a tube train stops, even very briefly, there will be a contrite apology broadcast over the speakers to explain exactly what has caused this two second delay. The explanation is usually still going on with the train moving again. And if trains don't arrive regularly on the platform, CALL THE MAYOR! SLAP A HOMELESS PERSON! I'M GOING TO RITUALLY BURN MY OYSTER CARD! I'M 32.8 SECONDS LATE! So, to an angry Londoner, Tube closure is the equivalent of a basic human right being temporarily suspended - our fundamental right to use the Tube is up there with a right to education and free speech. Only much more important.

It might also explain why Londoners - or was it just me? - find travel anywhere else completely impossible, without the guarentee of a tube line more than six minutes away, all laid out on a nice easy map.

It was at this point I discovered H--- was claustrophobic - although to be honest, normal terms like claustrophobia don't quite cover the Tube at times like this. With the help of Google maps we established all we had to do was keep walking in a straight line and cut across Oxford Street to get to the US Embassy.

We were a bit early - but we found another pair of angry students, and I stuck up my rainbow umbrella to catch attention. We soon found the organisers, who were all very friendly.

I noted, with a little disquiet, that "Emily dressed up for Gay Pride protest" looks exactly the same as "Emily on any other occasion". It also occurred to me, after about half an hour of couples arriving to the protest, that not only was I the straightest person there, but that they had probably all assumed I was dating the friend I had come with (which didn't really bother me so much as amuse)

This did suprise me, to an extent. Or as J--- put it, mimicing some shocked conservatism, "Do you know what, I think some of those people might have been homosexuals!" I assumed most people there would be as I was, concerned liberal Brits without any personal connection to the outcome. Very wrong - the majority were Americans, many of which mentioned Love Exiles, which is a support and pressure group for same sex couples who chose to move away from their home country in order to be together. The only British representation was really from the students - about ten of us.

I hope I remain as I am, an enthusiastic tourist who gets excited on Camden trips, and can't get over the size of the shops or the price of the food. I hope I never become an angry Londoner, because in the whole three hours not a single one came and showed interest in the protest. We were standing inside a safety barrier, and throughout the day people deliberately "walked on the other side"

It's part of the London thing, you see. I'M NOT HERE! DON'T LOOK AT ME! STOP LOOKING AT ME! I DON'T EXIST, AND NEITHER DO YOU, AND NEITHER DO THE HOMELESS PEOPLE, OR THE PEOPLE SELLING BIG ISSUES, OR THE PROTESTERS ON THE STREET! IT'S JUST ME! It's the chief reason I hate public transport, all the people willing themselves out of existance.

Anyway, we put together a petition, and I got everyone's names on a mailing list, and all in all twas very fun.

Pointless, of course, protesting against a resolution that has already been passed, with about forty people in a country far from the epicenter, in front of a building shut for the weekend. But as I said above, protests aren't about the cause. They never change things. It's about being there and making a statement for yourself, a bit like giving to charity to salve your own soul. I'm going to another one on Thanksgiving, and even though H--- and I intend to mobilise Kings to attend, it won't make any more difference.

All that happened, really, was I wasted a day standing outside an empty building, getting cold.

T--- made an interesting point that when it comes to big issues of equality, democracy is never the right way to go. Apparently, if a vote had actually been taken on bi-racial couples in the 50s, it would have been massively opposed. Anyway, E-- and J-- arrived in time for the end of the protest, and we five went for a very expensive lemonade in the warm, followed by a brief trip to Camden, then to a pub. I bought a new top. It's a brown, long sleeved, clingy, plain wraparound top, and is identical to several other items in my wardrobe. But it's also completey eco-friendly, having been made from soy beans, and really cuddly soft. I have propped my "LOVE IS LOVE" sign up in my window, where it can be seen by every passer by. I chose that slogan because it represents my interest in the issue - an emotional, impulsive one. Other people had better signs, which brought up the politics and facts, but I never really got involved with that half. However, if we go again, then I'm making a copy of this one:


Then I went out with S-- and J-- for sushi - in the event, I actually had egg fried rice and dumplings, and they had various pork'n'noodle dishes. And I ordered "Bitter Lemonade" to drink, which unfortuantely turned out to be that foul green stuff which tasted like mouthwash. J-- studies law, and is really into his morals and ethics, so he always has some good conversation.

Oh, and I've just gotta say this here because there's no one else I can complain at: some evil sod has stolen my milk!


Bad move on their part - anything else, I probably wouldn't have noticed, but as I need milk for coffee, tea, hot chocolate, chocolate milk, cereal, angel delight and just plain milk, I tend to check on the amount I have at least twice a day - and this is blatant, mind: I can't even find the carton. Maybe I should do what I did when my Fanta got drunk: namely scrawl:

WILL
THE
BASTARD
WHO PINCHED
MY FANTA
KINDLY
FEEL MY
WRATH!!!!!!!!


And complete it with a doodle of an angry-me, wielding an axe, in marker pen down the side of the half empty bottle. It's getting towards the end of term - in the last few weeks, my fanta and milk, and mug, and someone elses orange juice and fish pie have been unceremoniously pilfered. I wouldn't mind so much, except as I said, my milk is my treat of the day, and I didn't have the heart to sink to their level and "borrow" some for my own cereal this morning...




Finally, I have discovered I am an incorrigable collector. I think it's one of the major propellors behind my Doctor Who obsession - having to track down the videos, the books, the audios, the satisfaction of the chase, the thrill of success and then getting to tick them off on a nice neat list. You wouldn't think that I had a strong organisational streak, but I do - and it comes out for my crazes in the form of meticulous databases and neatly ordered videos.

I've realised this as a result of collecting the new Battles in Time cards: the Ultimate Monsters series. Much like the microuniverse figures, where I knew I was being ripped off but did it anyway. Only Battles in Time cards are far cheaper (£1.50 for 9, instead of £9.99 for 7), and there are several thousand of them as opposed to only 32 figures. Plus, as they're in collections, if I get to a point where I've just got my 8th Draconian card, I can move onto the Invader, Devastator, Annahilator or Exterminator series instead and have a fresh start. It's a quick and easy pick-me-up for the end of bad days, and unlike the micro-figs, take up far less room.

It's actually rather embarassing, actually. I picked up the starter mag, which came with four packs of 9, on the basis of someone on the web mentioning there was a Sutekh card. Now, Sutekh is pretty much my all time favourite Doctor Who villain - threeway tie between him, the Master and the Valeyard. My instant reaction was "OMG I want a shiny Sutekh card!", calmly noting that as it was marked as "Super Rare", it would be a great excuse to collect the series.

After flicking through the magazine I established a couple of cards I'd aim to find. These were Sutekh, the Master, Sharaz Jek and Omega, because they're all cool. Incidentally, there isn't a Valeyard card, else that would have been top of the list.

So with that said, J--- and I took it in turns to open the packets and see what was inside.

Well the first card I got was Sutekh.

In the second pack, I got Sharaz Jek. The third pack was really rather lousy. And in the fourth pack, I got the Master.

Is the universe trying to tell me I should be spending my cash more constructively?


You can view my collection on http://www.battlesintime.com/collection.php, by typing Unmutual into "view friend's collection" and then clicking on Ultimate Monsters

Finally (honestly, this time), I have just got a new copy of Dorian. It is purple, and one of the most unpleasant things I've ever seen. It does feel quite nice to read, however - and I got it from a second hand bookshop which I have been pestering for several weeks now.

I think I have just accidentally let one of my longest running and most beloved characters die. I didn't mean to. I was just writing about Alec's party, you see, and it kind of slipped out, and then he kind of slipped off. I am quite distraught, both because of my depth of feeling and the suprise nature of his passing - which was mercifully peaceful to the last, and he departs in hope of a better world. His death, which has yet to be discovered, is likely to cause great distress when it is found to at least one other character of my aquaintance; and great embarassment to the host of the party in question, who intended the event mainly to be a twilight house to mark the end of the Flame, with lots of questions asked but not answered, and lots of hints half acted on - suggesting at futures, but not confirming them.

So you see, this all comes as a bit of a shock. I'm going to see what I can throw together as mourning garb - none of the regency websites I have found so far have a section detailing the protocol following the death of a character, even one as close as Nathaniel was to me.

No funeral will be held, at his request; but cards and flowers are greatfully appreciated in memoram.
Sainsbury's basic range is cheap, and it's cheap for a reason. Goodness knows what they make some of their proudcts out of. Despite that, sometimes you can get away with it. Here's a brief guide:

OK
I bought shampoo and conditioner for under 50p combined, and at the size of the bottles I think I'll still be using them at Christmas. Yes they look like gloopy alien spit, and yes there isn't a comforting picture of leaves on the bottle to trick you into thinking you're using genuine Mayan leaf extract instead of a chemical goop, but they work well enough.

The cereals are brilliant. As long as you can put up with the rip-off names, there's nothing to seperate them from the kellogs/nesquik equivalent. Plus, the boxes are massive.

It's quite hard to get dried pasta wrong.

The breakfast juices are stunning! I've had a lot of their sicilian lemonade, and am now enjoying their rum-less morning Mojitos. They're some of the nicest I've ever had.

This is also the best place in London to buy Doctor Who figures. But they don't taste so nice...

Go for basics yoghurts! You can buy four generous sized yoghurts for about 27p, and they're perfect.

Passable
The blackcurrent doesn't really taste like brand squash, but it is still drinkable. Actually, this goes for a lot of products - not identical to what you're used to, but nice in their own way. Lemon squash, angel delight and the biscuits also come into this catagory.

Avoid
Nevereverever buy own-brand pizza. They're tasteless and the base just disintigrates. Just bite the bullet and buy a proper one. it'll only be £2 more expensive, and it's more wasteful to be cheap and buy something inedible. Plus, they taste rank cold. If you must, at least buy a sauce - L&P, Ketchup, plum sauce, anything.

The Bargains
You can't go far wrong on a store which has had a Buy 1 Get 1 Free on both my staples, pasta and pizza, for the past few months...also, Jelly Babies are half price.