In this post: analysis of London personal ads
One of the joys of London living is being mobbed by chilly workers, at all hours and in all weathers, distributing rather crappy papers such as the London Lite or the London Paper, to keep us all updated on trivial, meaningless information.
The highlight of the mag is the classifieds, which I always read in great detail, with much amusement and contempt.
Never mind the fact they all claim to be fit, even the 50+ ones (today's highlight was a brunette describing herself as "stunningly attractive"). It's the level of pickiness that suprises me. You'd think that having got into a situation requiring you to date via personal ads, you'd take anyone without a criminal record.
It's the race thing that winds me up most of all. Are people genuinely that picky? There's no secret that I generally find dark haired people, of any race, more than blondes; or that every time I think "whoa!" with envy of a girl on the tube, she is inevitably ginger. But it wouldn't stop me looking for someone outside of those perameters, especially if I'd been having love troubles. Yet almost every personal begins "black/white/mixed race/asian/cypriot", as if that matters, and ends with a specific request too. My inferance is that there is still a large number of people with racial issues going on. It suggests that if you didn't state your race, there would be people who'd turn up on a first date and recieve a nasty suprise. And yes, I'm sure there are some people who know their families would never accept particular cultures, but the sheer scale suggests there's something far more going on.
Surely limiting yourself to white men might considerably cut down the chances of finding an ideal "Mr Right"? And it works both ways -
It's the incredible optimism that suprises me - does the 48 year old attractive white male really think he's going to find the 30-47, size 8-12 black woman of his dreams, and then her turn out to be attractive and warm as well. Does the bi guy of the same age actually expect someone of 18-24 to reply? If the strikingly attractive, slim brunette, published writer/poet is so fantastic, then why is she in the classifieds?
There are one or two total no-hopers - such as the woman who starts female, 40, Catholic, by which point my eyes had already flicked to the ad below. Or the ones which start well, and only sting you half way through - "genuine, attractive brunette, refined, sophisticated, young 56..." or this one, which is completely tantalising -
Tall blonde male, 50s, new to area, seeks very assertive female, 30-45, as soul mate, for alternate relationship.
It all seems so nice and pally until it gets to "alternate", at which point the word "assertive" starts to take on interesting connotations involving black leather...
I mean, interests - "socialising". What does that actually mean? I'm stunned by the nuber of people who claim to enjoy "walking". And how many "cinema" people are actually people I'd consider dating; as opposed to chumps who like to see the latest blockbuster twice a year?
Sometime it's the phrasing that makes me laugh - a brunette who has vacancy for white male, clean and well kept. Do you want him neutered and from a reputable animal shelter too? The chump of the pack gives out no information, except that he has a terrible sense of humour, with:
Finally, there's the belly laughs that come from reading between the lines - and I'm afraid these are all in the men seeking men catagory (incidentally, why no room for "women seeking women"?)
Maybe it's my prejudices coming into play, but there's definitely something sleazy about that request. But my favourite is definitely this one:
Obviously, he could be a great chap, sincere and loving; but there's something in the fact that he's an ex public school teacher (and we all know about all-boys public schools...) and seeking someone so incongruously young that adds up to disturbing images of schoolboys in long socks and canings, and unpleasant theories on why he got fired...but at least he's not picky on race...
So who wins? Well, there are two adverts which caught my eye - and neither are ones I can reply to. Still, they both portray their authors as interesting, unusual people, different from the young professional set, and have a real feeling of emotional honesty. I also have terribly romantic ideas of how these ads could turn out:
Wanted: a white South African guy, attractive, romantic, loyal, sensitive, who knows how to treat and pamper a lady, I am divorced, early-40s, attractive.
I just feel something instinctively cinematic about that scenario.
Adventurer, tall, slim, fighting fit, presentable, articulate, world-travelled, attentive, desires gorgeous, glamorous, audacious, praisworthy 60+ lady. Any nationality.
I love the way he doesn't give his age...again, though, I get a real impression of who this guy is, not only from what he says but the way he says it, and have a great image of him and his audacious belle jetting off to find Inca gold or something.
See, the true love in that magazine is the lovestruck column - "You were on the 11:35 from Frognal, wearing a gray hat. I smiled at you and helped you with your shopping. Drink?"
Those things never fail to be romantic...
One of the joys of London living is being mobbed by chilly workers, at all hours and in all weathers, distributing rather crappy papers such as the London Lite or the London Paper, to keep us all updated on trivial, meaningless information.
The highlight of the mag is the classifieds, which I always read in great detail, with much amusement and contempt.
Never mind the fact they all claim to be fit, even the 50+ ones (today's highlight was a brunette describing herself as "stunningly attractive"). It's the level of pickiness that suprises me. You'd think that having got into a situation requiring you to date via personal ads, you'd take anyone without a criminal record.
It's the race thing that winds me up most of all. Are people genuinely that picky? There's no secret that I generally find dark haired people, of any race, more than blondes; or that every time I think "whoa!" with envy of a girl on the tube, she is inevitably ginger. But it wouldn't stop me looking for someone outside of those perameters, especially if I'd been having love troubles. Yet almost every personal begins "black/white/mixed race/asian/cypriot", as if that matters, and ends with a specific request too. My inferance is that there is still a large number of people with racial issues going on. It suggests that if you didn't state your race, there would be people who'd turn up on a first date and recieve a nasty suprise. And yes, I'm sure there are some people who know their families would never accept particular cultures, but the sheer scale suggests there's something far more going on.
Intelligent, caring, honest black African woman, 30s, looking for caring, honest, loving white man, who is my Mr Right.
Surely limiting yourself to white men might considerably cut down the chances of finding an ideal "Mr Right"? And it works both ways -
If you are dreaming of a white Christmas, call now.
Good looking white male WLTM black female, preferably of African parentage, for genuine sincere 1-2-1 relationship.
To be honest, the concept of anything "genuine" and "sincere" that starts in a relationship with such fixed perameters must be very flexible...
It's the incredible optimism that suprises me - does the 48 year old attractive white male really think he's going to find the 30-47, size 8-12 black woman of his dreams, and then her turn out to be attractive and warm as well. Does the bi guy of the same age actually expect someone of 18-24 to reply? If the strikingly attractive, slim brunette, published writer/poet is so fantastic, then why is she in the classifieds?
There are one or two total no-hopers - such as the woman who starts female, 40, Catholic, by which point my eyes had already flicked to the ad below. Or the ones which start well, and only sting you half way through - "genuine, attractive brunette, refined, sophisticated, young 56..." or this one, which is completely tantalising -
Tall blonde male, 50s, new to area, seeks very assertive female, 30-45, as soul mate, for alternate relationship.
It all seems so nice and pally until it gets to "alternate", at which point the word "assertive" starts to take on interesting connotations involving black leather...
I mean, interests - "socialising". What does that actually mean? I'm stunned by the nuber of people who claim to enjoy "walking". And how many "cinema" people are actually people I'd consider dating; as opposed to chumps who like to see the latest blockbuster twice a year?
Sometime it's the phrasing that makes me laugh - a brunette who has vacancy for white male, clean and well kept. Do you want him neutered and from a reputable animal shelter too? The chump of the pack gives out no information, except that he has a terrible sense of humour, with:
Tarzan, 34, seeks Jane to have a swinging time
And then there's the ones which barely disguise what they mean:
Sophisticated Asian female, slim, caring, seeks solvent, mature white
businessman/company director for long term companionship.
Easy going, professional guy, 40s, Scottish, visits London often, no ties seeks interesting lady friend for nights out.
No, mate, you don't want an "interesting friend". You want what Torchwood's finest would colloquially refer too as a "f-k buddy"; you want a girl you can visit in town, and ignore out, and because you have no ties, you'll extend this to her as well, and promise no security or fidelity whatsoever. I dearly hope no one replies to this one...I also want to know whether the man seeking "laughter/holding hands" actually means that, and that alone.
On the other end of the spectrum, there's the honest - if somewhat bizzare - ones:Delicate, petite French female, early 30s, blonde, sexy seeks generous and funny sugar daddy, 40+, for romantic liasons.Sugar daddy?!
Finally, there's the belly laughs that come from reading between the lines - and I'm afraid these are all in the men seeking men catagory (incidentally, why no room for "women seeking women"?)
Down to earth guy, 38, seeks Turkish/Middle Eastern man, for relationship...
Maybe it's my prejudices coming into play, but there's definitely something sleazy about that request. But my favourite is definitely this one:
Distinguished looking guy, 58, ex-public school master, WLTM young guy, 18-30, any nationality, for friendship and fun.
Obviously, he could be a great chap, sincere and loving; but there's something in the fact that he's an ex public school teacher (and we all know about all-boys public schools...) and seeking someone so incongruously young that adds up to disturbing images of schoolboys in long socks and canings, and unpleasant theories on why he got fired...but at least he's not picky on race...
So who wins? Well, there are two adverts which caught my eye - and neither are ones I can reply to. Still, they both portray their authors as interesting, unusual people, different from the young professional set, and have a real feeling of emotional honesty. I also have terribly romantic ideas of how these ads could turn out:
Wanted: a white South African guy, attractive, romantic, loyal, sensitive, who knows how to treat and pamper a lady, I am divorced, early-40s, attractive.
I just feel something instinctively cinematic about that scenario.
Adventurer, tall, slim, fighting fit, presentable, articulate, world-travelled, attentive, desires gorgeous, glamorous, audacious, praisworthy 60+ lady. Any nationality.
I love the way he doesn't give his age...again, though, I get a real impression of who this guy is, not only from what he says but the way he says it, and have a great image of him and his audacious belle jetting off to find Inca gold or something.
See, the true love in that magazine is the lovestruck column - "You were on the 11:35 from Frognal, wearing a gray hat. I smiled at you and helped you with your shopping. Drink?"
Those things never fail to be romantic...
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