Dear friends, it is not often I ask you for favours.

But please: go to the cinema as soon as possible, and see The Vampire's Assistant.

If you don't, Universal will make a loss.

If Universal makes a loss, it won't make the sequel.

If it doesn't make the sequel, then I don't get to watch the sequel. I don't get the fun of watching Gavner, Larten and Darren climb a mountain. I don't get Kurda. And I don't get to see one of the most brilliantly cruel meta-chapters in fiction turn into a brilliantly cruel meta-moment in cinema.

In short, my life will be over.

Go to the cinema.