Which is amusing enough; but it's been rejected because it "relates to an ongoing criminal investigation". Gee, still? Spirita informs me that Guido Fawkes is the pseudonym of a blogger who eavesdrops on MP's conversations, so it makes a little more sense...

Concerned of Little Whinging requests:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to CASTRATE ALL 1ST OFFENDERS OF PEODOPHILIA

Bizzarely, this was rejected on the grounds "doesn't actually request any action". I would have thought the requested action was quite clear...

But some advocate a kinder, more compassionate route:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Stop wasting my taxes on keeping the idle "poor" of this country alive and breeding more useless chavs, criminals and other assorted members of the terminally useless class. Too much of our money is used to keep the idle "poor" in existence. If we have to keep them alive give them vouchers which can only be redeemed for food. When they cannot get their wide-screen TV's, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, mobile phones, bingo tickets etc. we will find the unemployment figures mysteriously falling...rapidly. Use the money saved to build at least another hundred prisons to house these creatures. There is a strange sub-species of human evolving in the great council ghettos of the UK. I have named them Homo benefitus and they will be the dominant lifeform in this country within 50 years unless drastic action is taken now.

Or, at any rate, something quicker:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Hang Peadophiles /Drug Barons/Murderers

But opinions on what counts as castratable crime vary:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Make Adultry for men and women a criminal offence punished by Castration or female circumsition

And some are less worried by our moral health, than mental health:

As you may be aware, there is a Game that has swept the nation. to think of the game is to lose the game, and the fustrating results of this can be seen countrywide. The only way the game can end is for the current UK Prime Minister to announce on live TV, that the game is over. So please, sign up for this petition, and end the game once and for all!

You just lost. I didn't. I won the game about a year ago, and have felt free ever since.

Obviously, the religious nuts are out in full force:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to establish Heavy Metal as an official UK religion

While someone else requests:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to OUTLAW THE TEACHING OF THE CONCEPT OF HELL OR HELL-FIRE TO CHILDREN

I actually quite like that one. I also like:

We the undersigned petition the Muggle Prime Minister to create new bank holiday- VOLDEMORT DEFEATED DAY - on 2nd of May. This would pay tribute not only to those who died, but also celebrate the triumph of Good Over Evil, freedom of speech, freedom of movement, unity, tolerance and understanding between all humans (magical and non magical), half breeds, and magical creatures. (Also to ensure correct pronunciation of Voldemort- ie not with a 't' at the end).

And while we're legislating fiction:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to deplore the sacking of Malcolm Tucker

And even though Fear Her is a forgettable episode, I do like:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to have David Tennant dressed in the role of 'The Doctor' to light the Olympic flame in 2012.

Some people are more worried about the state of the nation:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to remove cheesy acts (JLS) from the music industry.

Or the state of the government:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Stop smiling for the cameras...For instance, Gordon Brown has obviously been told to smile more by his PR advisors. He should stop immediately. When he smiles, it just makes him look scary. What he should be doing is spending the time considering how to get our once great country out of the mess it's currently in, and not listening to image consultants. He was much more effective when he always looked worried.

Or public services:

Members of the public who brought gift vouchers from Flogistics Limited , to use in B and q, Comet, and woolworths are now faced with vouchers they can no longer use, as Flogistics Limited have gone out of business, and B and q, comet will no longer take these vouchers. When we have brought vouchers, in good faith, surley we should be safe in mind that retailers will take these from use.

Or safeguarding our national identity:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Change the design of the Union Flag to the one voted in on the daily telegraph website,

Or even our living standards:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Remove the coconut filled chocolates from Quality Streets and other similar chocolate selections

Some little boys have been affected by Blue Peter, always trying to make new things out of old:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to make an illegal vehicle a murder weapon.

And while talking law, who couldn't sign up to this:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to make war crimes illegal

A weird one, requesting that peeps with Aspergers be ignored, reads thus:

We (starting with me) would like to be ignored. Forgotten about. Neglected even.

No minority rights. No disability status. No special schools. No special social services to fill the gap. No disabled rights, guaranteed employment.

Lets go back to the way it was in the old days. All this 'science' is getting nowhere - seems based on something other than... more whats fair in your case subscribing to your values) that change daily.)

e.t.c.

Just ignore us. As we would you.

I speak for myself. And I suggest others follow suit.

Its for the best. Whether 'we' know it or not

And here's one that any member of the internet generation might understand:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Ban 4chan.org

Although the more traditional suspicious networks are still a concern:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Make men who are members of the masons/stonemasons secret society declare themselves members if they are in public life.

What's hilarious about this one is that the "stonemasons" exist only in the Simpsons spoof. While we're talking about conspiracy, why not sympathise with poor Mr F's plea:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Accept the democratic election of the BNP on their manifesto.

Having difficulty taking him seriously? He posted another petition on the same day reading:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Immediately release the man jailed for 18 months for giving a child a cigarette. There is much propoganda but no hard evidence that giving a child a cigarette is harmful and therefore no justification for the court to imprison anyone; If the child lives to old age without a related disease how will the courts and Government appease their consciences? Many native children smoke with no ill effect and have done for centuries. Abhorrence and guesswork is not proof of criminality.

Meanwhile, one from Davros' scientific bunker on the planet Skaro:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to promote the use of existing technology to manipulate the weather.

This is a live petition, so you can actually sign...if you dare...