Who would be a woman?

There are lots of reasons why my chance genetic arrangement is unfortunate. One of the most superficial (and therefore, most pressing) is that I can't successfully adopt the dress of male style icons, whether in cosplaying or borrowing touches I like for everyday life. Absurdly, this bothers me worst not when pinching things from hero-guys, but straight after camp movies. I adore the style, grace and OTT femininity of transvestites and effeminate chaps - but of course, you have to be male in the first place to pull it off...

...and of course, there are ceilings of glass and the rest. Important stuff. But today, we are going to talk about shoes.

WHY DOES NO ONE MAKE REAL SHOES FOR WOMEN?

I am aware of the school of thought that turns pain into pleasure, and I even sympathise with the mindset that "you are suffering for beauty" hence "more beautiful". But that's on a case by case basis, not as part of a virulent disease.

Is the cliche that women get through shoes like toilet paper, while men locate a single pair and expect them to last believed by shoe companies? Does this then explain why the majority of womyn-shoes are painful and cheap-feeling? I'd certainly never again buy from New Look: they don't make shoes, they make foot accessories.
My one concession to serious, feminine cobblery was a lovely pair of eggshell blue heels. Which I have never worn, because a pair of shoes I can't run away in is, to my mind, not a real pair of shoes. They have no grip! And yes, you need grip even when standing around in ballrooms.

You almost got this rant last week when I was just back from shoe shopping. For the third or fourth year now, I endured my sister's disapproval and bought myself a pair of boy's shoes. To her mind, this is weird; and it's true, I always like to take time to warp the gender binary. But the plain fact is:

• They are flat. I can climb trees, walls, flee muggers and booby traps.
• They have grip. When attempting to climb trees e.t.c., I'm not going to slip.
• They are hard wearing. I'm not going to escape the muggers only to discover my socks are soaking.
• They are comfortable. We'll come to that one in a minute....
  

And that is why I always wear men's shoes. For years now, I've yet to find women's shoes which fit these categories. Admittedly, this is on the Island.

Is this just preconceptions about women getting out of control? Do such shoes exist? Even the fact they're hard to find suggests we are being offered a vastly inferior product, and also that they get away with it.

I've just had to join the Idiot Female Fashion Victim Club, and don heel-plasters. It's between that and consigning the red slippers I've always wanted to an Oxfam bag. I've known various people across the years who have done this, and I always thought it was ridiculous. Because what's more bloody stupid than wearing shoes which are uncomfortable? What has never occured to me - because this too seems bloody stupid - is that they were comfortable in the shop, and they only cease to be comfortable after subjected to extreme circumstances. You know - walking in them, or something. I can only have walked in my new shoes for 15 minutes max, and the backs of my heels are totally bruised, raw and unpleasantly sticky.

Change, please, and soon. The problem is, ideas about female foot-habits - including the "oh! I suffer for beauty!" one and the "I spend more on my shoes than my children!" one - seem to directly impact how the product is created. And in general, female shoes seem to bear the same resemblance to real shoes as Asda own-brand bread does to bakery produce. If a shoe does not provide comfort and grip, it is basically a bad shoe. In an ideal world, it should also be durable, though of course I make exceptions for daft party shoes. Exceptions which do not make walking the next day a painful enterprise. I feel like I've been forcibly pressganged into the ranks of miserable womanhood as a punishment for defection. It's horrible...