Richard Dawkins should be saying greatful prayers that the Greek deities are no longer about.
I'm studying the Metamorphoses this week, and understanding it better for having read the whole thing. It's a story anothology written in verse by Ovid, loosely connected by the theme of "transformation". All the famous Greek myths are here, in a chaos one after another - people being turned into plants and vegitable matter, or animals. They're almost all romantic - don't read it if you're unhappy in love, chances are it has the peversion for you. Among the more conventional tales, we have a maid in love with her brother, one in love with her father, a bit of lezzing and much bestiality. I hasten to add its never distasteful, only tragic. For all the frolicking about, there are some moments of sheer horror. Scylla turning from a maid into a monster is almost unreadable. She goes for a paddle in the water, and notices teeth. She begins to run, but then she realises she was looking at herself - her legs and limbs are turning into hundreds of gnashing dogs heads. Ovid, I've a David Cronenberg on the phone for you?
Mind you, I've learnt some things:
1. Don't diss the gods. DON'T DISS THE GODS. Or they will go Samuel L. Jackson on your ass, and before you know it your own relatives will be eating you (Itys, Actaeon), tearing you to shreds (Pentheus); you'll be turned into an island (Latona), a bear (Calisto) or a plant (Menthe) if you're very lucky. If you're unlucky, the gods might just contrive to have you explode (Semele), or massacre all fourteen of your children within half a minute then watch as you turn to stone. If you're very very naughty, Jove might decide he's sick of the Earth and flood it on a whim.
2. Don't fall in love. It'll end badly. Frankly, I'm not even going to find examples for this, because I'd need to paraphrase the whole thing.
3. Yes. You will be raped. The only way you can possibly get out of it is by ceasing to be human - Philomela to Nightingale, Daphne to bush, Hermaphroditus to a mecha-nymph-zoid. Baby Bacchus was a special case - he turned his would-be assaulters into dolphins.
4. Don't name your kids Cygnus or Cycnus. There are three of them in the Metamorphoses, and all three of them turn into swans...
In other news, why not waste some time today:
http://us.akinator.com/#
Tried for the Doctor first - an easy one. ("Does your character really exist?" "Well....!)
Then, I thought, Jack the Ripper might fox it - but it got him within twenty questions too!
Is Blake's 7 too obscure, I wonder? Resounding no. Despite my moment of agony when asked "Is your character good?" (I pitched for "sort of"), it can get Blake. When I tried for Avon it first gave me Jayne from Firefly instead - which isn't correct, but if you know both shows, is certainly interesting. And then it got it right. WTF?! Which is exactly what Calypso said when I got Anne of Green Gables when thinking about Denethor...
What about obscure Doctor Who characters? It got Davros very quickly, as did it the Master. Rose? Yes. Sarah Jane? Yes. Jo Grant? No, it gave me Rose again. The A-Team - Hannibal in 16 questions; same for B.A. Has it watched Twin Peaks? Yup, it knows Laura Palmer. Agent Cooper? I thought I'd derailed it when it asked me "is your character cute?" and I answered yes, but apparently it can't be fooled. I wonder what would happen if I tried for Diane?
OK, lets try real people. Hitchcock? Too easy. Tarantino? Couldn't guess it. What about something more abstract - can it get God? At this point, I couldn't help but laugh at some of the questions:
Both Calypso and I managed to get Dorian Gray. It asked me "Does your character especially appeal to children?" when heading for Oscar Wilde, thought about it for a bit, and then tried "is your character a homosexual"?. It's a clue to how it works, though - there are plenty of 20th century gay writers with law trouble, but he's the obvious one. It hit Poseidon when I was trying for Aphrodite. It can get obvious Doctor Who characters, but gets confused when I try for obscure ones. For example, when I did the A-Team, I got the same eight or nine questions narrowing the show down, and then individual ones to work out who.
Still - what a lot of fun! Let me know how you got along in the comments
I'm studying the Metamorphoses this week, and understanding it better for having read the whole thing. It's a story anothology written in verse by Ovid, loosely connected by the theme of "transformation". All the famous Greek myths are here, in a chaos one after another - people being turned into plants and vegitable matter, or animals. They're almost all romantic - don't read it if you're unhappy in love, chances are it has the peversion for you. Among the more conventional tales, we have a maid in love with her brother, one in love with her father, a bit of lezzing and much bestiality. I hasten to add its never distasteful, only tragic. For all the frolicking about, there are some moments of sheer horror. Scylla turning from a maid into a monster is almost unreadable. She goes for a paddle in the water, and notices teeth. She begins to run, but then she realises she was looking at herself - her legs and limbs are turning into hundreds of gnashing dogs heads. Ovid, I've a David Cronenberg on the phone for you?
Mind you, I've learnt some things:
1. Don't diss the gods. DON'T DISS THE GODS. Or they will go Samuel L. Jackson on your ass, and before you know it your own relatives will be eating you (Itys, Actaeon), tearing you to shreds (Pentheus); you'll be turned into an island (Latona), a bear (Calisto) or a plant (Menthe) if you're very lucky. If you're unlucky, the gods might just contrive to have you explode (Semele), or massacre all fourteen of your children within half a minute then watch as you turn to stone. If you're very very naughty, Jove might decide he's sick of the Earth and flood it on a whim.
2. Don't fall in love. It'll end badly. Frankly, I'm not even going to find examples for this, because I'd need to paraphrase the whole thing.
3. Yes. You will be raped. The only way you can possibly get out of it is by ceasing to be human - Philomela to Nightingale, Daphne to bush, Hermaphroditus to a mecha-nymph-zoid. Baby Bacchus was a special case - he turned his would-be assaulters into dolphins.
4. Don't name your kids Cygnus or Cycnus. There are three of them in the Metamorphoses, and all three of them turn into swans...
In other news, why not waste some time today:
http://us.akinator.com/#
Tried for the Doctor first - an easy one. ("Does your character really exist?" "Well....!)
Then, I thought, Jack the Ripper might fox it - but it got him within twenty questions too!
Is Blake's 7 too obscure, I wonder? Resounding no. Despite my moment of agony when asked "Is your character good?" (I pitched for "sort of"), it can get Blake. When I tried for Avon it first gave me Jayne from Firefly instead - which isn't correct, but if you know both shows, is certainly interesting. And then it got it right. WTF?! Which is exactly what Calypso said when I got Anne of Green Gables when thinking about Denethor...
What about obscure Doctor Who characters? It got Davros very quickly, as did it the Master. Rose? Yes. Sarah Jane? Yes. Jo Grant? No, it gave me Rose again. The A-Team - Hannibal in 16 questions; same for B.A. Has it watched Twin Peaks? Yup, it knows Laura Palmer. Agent Cooper? I thought I'd derailed it when it asked me "is your character cute?" and I answered yes, but apparently it can't be fooled. I wonder what would happen if I tried for Diane?
OK, lets try real people. Hitchcock? Too easy. Tarantino? Couldn't guess it. What about something more abstract - can it get God? At this point, I couldn't help but laugh at some of the questions:
"Are you hoping to get with your character?" (not sure this refers to bliss in heaven...)It did however get it right, despite my pedantic "I don't knows!", and I was rewarded with a lovely picture of a galaxy. My sister, who also tried, got the following questions:
"Is your character bad?" (not sure the philosophers have answered that one yet...!)
"Is your character real?" (oh goodness sakes!)
"Is it a woman?" I don't knowIt also managed to get "my shadow" and "your mum". Can it get my roleplay character? Yes - "your own character".What about pets? It asks "Is your character human?" No. "Is your character a cat?" No. "Does your character play multiple musical instruments?" WTF?! It did, however, get it eventually. In the daft questions line, when I was trying for Jesus:
"Does he wear a cap" I don't know
"Does he have long hair" I don't know
....
"Is he famous for having created the world?"
"Is your character the son of God?" (YES we're getting somewhere, I think)If you click randomly, it answers "Someone who answers randomly". IT'S INSIDE MY HEAD.
"Does your character bite like a rabid dog?" (eeeerm...o-kay then)
Both Calypso and I managed to get Dorian Gray. It asked me "Does your character especially appeal to children?" when heading for Oscar Wilde, thought about it for a bit, and then tried "is your character a homosexual"?. It's a clue to how it works, though - there are plenty of 20th century gay writers with law trouble, but he's the obvious one. It hit Poseidon when I was trying for Aphrodite. It can get obvious Doctor Who characters, but gets confused when I try for obscure ones. For example, when I did the A-Team, I got the same eight or nine questions narrowing the show down, and then individual ones to work out who.
Still - what a lot of fun! Let me know how you got along in the comments
Comments (6)
that was... weird. Trying Fyfe: first guess was James Blunt, clicked continue and it just gave me Patrick Wolf o_0 I said no to make-up!
Jamie Cullum...
Frank Turner?? lol...
defeated!
I'm going to try and go for Win Butler now.
Got it! this is way too much fun
Ha ha, brill. I know, I've been playing for an hour now - the only reason I blogged it was to make it seem worth while!
It relies on eliminating the obvious possibilites and working onwards - like climbing up a tree. I imagine most of your musicians will make it break out in a sweat!
Tee hee, it can get the members of Torchwood!