Dog haters: leave now.
Last night, there was a fab program on the telly about dogs which, I think, made everyone in the world decide to get one. Apparently, dogs communicate with humans better than chimps, and as well as than two year old children. Stroking a dog releases the same hormone rush in both human and animal as breastfeeding does; dog owners can recognise the meaning of barks exceptionally well, while dogs respond to the emotions of humans in the same manner as fellow humans do. Humans respond to dogs just as they do to babies. Dog owners are 3/4 less likely to get heart attacks, and 3/4 less likely to die from them if they do.
In other words, it turns out that everything dog owners ever claimed is unfortunately correct - "What do you mean little Bill's boy is trapped in the fallen down well with a fractured fibia, Lassie?". There was a moment when I wondered whether there's some canine masterplan going on - parasitic creatures, imitaing our children, worming into our families and then evolving, and finally replacing us. After all, destroying a species ability to reproduce is the first step towards genocide. There's a dog in Austria with a 300 word vocabulary
But this musing turned into a less fruitful endevour: musing, to Castellane, over the phone about what dog breeds the various Doctors are most like. One of the daftest conversations EVER. I'm considering doing a comic strip version, with all ten in a big pack of strays. The Daleks are dogcatchers from the pound, and the Master is an eeeevil black cat. I'm toying with making the other Timelords into walruses, sea lions and the rest, if only to make a joke about the "Seal of Rassilon". The companions will be played by a series of "lady" dogs (i.e. like Lady and the Tramp) - Romana will be a white poodle (Romana II will be pink), Martha will be a St Bernard's puppy.
This took time, and I'm lazy, so I haven't done all ten yet. Also, I can envisage the Seventh Doctor dog but can't think of the breed name. Watch this space though:
3 - The Third Doctor was famous for speeding around - in vintage cars, planes, spaceships, motorbikes, speedboats...so what else than a greyhound, zippy and alert? Like the Doctor, this canine counterpart values his appearance - so will be seen in a variety of smart coats and neckties.
4 - Castellanne informs me that Dalmatians are pretty daft dogs, so complete with a big scarf (possibly wrapping around his whole body and one of his legs) and a hat, this will be our Fourth Doctor:
6 - a big, camp German Shepherd. German Shepherds have the sort of stocky indomitability that the Sixth Doctor has, and I think their history as guard dogs, and also of being a violent breed, is suitable too. But he insists he's a cat on the inside. Our character will wear the same blue bow as the Sixth Doctor does, and if I'm feeling silly, I might make his patches multi-coloured too:
8 - a spaniel! Bouncy, golden, gorgeous and loveable. Just wants to be your friend! Disarmingly adorable, this one...
9 - A tetchy little bulldog. Like the Doctor, he will be wearing a leather jacket and a scowl, and leap at enemies of any size without even thinking. I've got an AMAZING sketch of this.
10 - Finally, the Tenth Doctor: baby border collie! Enthusiastic, needs lots of walks and has a ten minute attention span. However, they are also very smart. My version will have brown patches instead of black.
Missing: 1, 2, 5 and the Valeyard. I'll do them laaaateeer.
Last night, there was a fab program on the telly about dogs which, I think, made everyone in the world decide to get one. Apparently, dogs communicate with humans better than chimps, and as well as than two year old children. Stroking a dog releases the same hormone rush in both human and animal as breastfeeding does; dog owners can recognise the meaning of barks exceptionally well, while dogs respond to the emotions of humans in the same manner as fellow humans do. Humans respond to dogs just as they do to babies. Dog owners are 3/4 less likely to get heart attacks, and 3/4 less likely to die from them if they do.
In other words, it turns out that everything dog owners ever claimed is unfortunately correct - "What do you mean little Bill's boy is trapped in the fallen down well with a fractured fibia, Lassie?". There was a moment when I wondered whether there's some canine masterplan going on - parasitic creatures, imitaing our children, worming into our families and then evolving, and finally replacing us. After all, destroying a species ability to reproduce is the first step towards genocide. There's a dog in Austria with a 300 word vocabulary
But this musing turned into a less fruitful endevour: musing, to Castellane, over the phone about what dog breeds the various Doctors are most like. One of the daftest conversations EVER. I'm considering doing a comic strip version, with all ten in a big pack of strays. The Daleks are dogcatchers from the pound, and the Master is an eeeevil black cat. I'm toying with making the other Timelords into walruses, sea lions and the rest, if only to make a joke about the "Seal of Rassilon". The companions will be played by a series of "lady" dogs (i.e. like Lady and the Tramp) - Romana will be a white poodle (Romana II will be pink), Martha will be a St Bernard's puppy.
This took time, and I'm lazy, so I haven't done all ten yet. Also, I can envisage the Seventh Doctor dog but can't think of the breed name. Watch this space though:
3 - The Third Doctor was famous for speeding around - in vintage cars, planes, spaceships, motorbikes, speedboats...so what else than a greyhound, zippy and alert? Like the Doctor, this canine counterpart values his appearance - so will be seen in a variety of smart coats and neckties.
4 - Castellanne informs me that Dalmatians are pretty daft dogs, so complete with a big scarf (possibly wrapping around his whole body and one of his legs) and a hat, this will be our Fourth Doctor:
6 - a big, camp German Shepherd. German Shepherds have the sort of stocky indomitability that the Sixth Doctor has, and I think their history as guard dogs, and also of being a violent breed, is suitable too. But he insists he's a cat on the inside. Our character will wear the same blue bow as the Sixth Doctor does, and if I'm feeling silly, I might make his patches multi-coloured too:
8 - a spaniel! Bouncy, golden, gorgeous and loveable. Just wants to be your friend! Disarmingly adorable, this one...
9 - A tetchy little bulldog. Like the Doctor, he will be wearing a leather jacket and a scowl, and leap at enemies of any size without even thinking. I've got an AMAZING sketch of this.
10 - Finally, the Tenth Doctor: baby border collie! Enthusiastic, needs lots of walks and has a ten minute attention span. However, they are also very smart. My version will have brown patches instead of black.
Missing: 1, 2, 5 and the Valeyard. I'll do them laaaateeer.
Comments (3)
OH MY GOD THIS IS PERFECT.
I think this could be the start of a meme. PLEASE FINISH IT PLEASE. <33
(wotd: tionsena)
"Stroking a dog releases the same hormone rush in both human and animal as breastfeeding does"
pOr in my case, the "aaah it's going to GET me" hormone, followed by "FFS STOP MAKING ME SNEEZE" hormone
"Humans respond to dogs just as they do to babies." ...really?
"Dog owners are 3/4 less likely to get heart attacks, and 3/4 less likely to die from them if they do."
I'd probably cough up a lung.
Clash - yup. It's the large eyes. They've done a brain scanny thing - the same lobe gets all excited on seing baby faces as seeing dog faces.
Poor old you - I suppose they can't extend everyone's lifespan.
Calypso - you know more about dogs than me. I've a breed in mind for Sylvester mcCoy, but I don't know what it's called! You'll have to read my mind for me...