Yesterday, at the small hours of the morning, as I reflected that every one of my busses and tubes of the day had been appallingly irregular, I suddenly realised in a flash of inspiration what I had been getting wrong.
Now we all know astrology is...dubious at best, based mostly on the fact it's unlikely for 1/12th of the population to meet their true loves on the same day. But I believe perhaps it does have a real life application: in predicting the London Transport Network. Think of the Tube Map - all those obscure lines and symbols, obviously correspond to ley lines. There are twelve main tube lines, and via their colours (divined, obviously, from The Key of Solomon), relate to the signs of the zodiac:
Aquarius - Sky Blue - Victoria
Pisces - Lavender - Metropolitan
Aries - Red - Central
Taurus - pink - Hammersmith and City
Gemini - yellow - Circle
Cancer - Silver - Jubilee
Leo - Gold/orange- London Overground
Virgo - Green - District
Libra - pale green - Waterloo and city
Scorpio - black - Northern
Sagittarius - Navy - Picadilly
Capricorn - brown - Bakerloo
The best tool for divining which tube lines will suffer misfortune on a day is to consult the London Lite or London Paper, two publications printed using the most modern and up-to-date Kabbalistic information as it is pinched from Madonna's dustbin. Although traditional means of sun-sign interpretation can also be used, if those papers cannot be found (an omen in itself). The same principle goes for the busses, only this time use pure Gnostic numerology to divine the likelihood of your bus arriving on time/at all. Simply take the number of the bus route - i.e. 168 - then add up all the digits - 1+6+8 - and continue until you get a single number, in our case 6. 6 is the number of Venus, and governs money, arts and diplomacy. Obviously then you can combine this with your information from the Tube Astrology - Venus, of course, being ruled by Virgo, who in turn presides over the District line.
Pay attention for other signs too - days with a lot of rain suggest a particularly strong water influence, which will naturally favour water-lines (Northern, Metropolitan, Jubilee), and cause chaos on the other 9. You should obviously cross reference too - in the morning, I take Metropolitan and Bakerloo, but never without checking first that Pisces and Capricorn are in a positive conjunction, and that neither sign is uncompatable with the 23 bus (2+3=5) which I take from Charing Cross station. In general, Northern, Hammersmith, Overground and Victoria line are the most dependable, as they represent "fixed" elements, while most care must be taken dealing with the "mutable" elements of the Circle, Metropolitan, Picadilly and District lines, all of which are astrologically doomed to be most unreliable.
Offering a suitable offering to the astral ruler of a tube line, or constructing a suitable amulet (i.e. silver and amythist to placate the Bakerloo) is statistically your likeliest way of getting to your destination on time.
Now we all know astrology is...dubious at best, based mostly on the fact it's unlikely for 1/12th of the population to meet their true loves on the same day. But I believe perhaps it does have a real life application: in predicting the London Transport Network. Think of the Tube Map - all those obscure lines and symbols, obviously correspond to ley lines. There are twelve main tube lines, and via their colours (divined, obviously, from The Key of Solomon), relate to the signs of the zodiac:
Aquarius - Sky Blue - Victoria
Pisces - Lavender - Metropolitan
Aries - Red - Central
Taurus - pink - Hammersmith and City
Gemini - yellow - Circle
Cancer - Silver - Jubilee
Leo - Gold/orange- London Overground
Virgo - Green - District
Libra - pale green - Waterloo and city
Scorpio - black - Northern
Sagittarius - Navy - Picadilly
Capricorn - brown - Bakerloo
The best tool for divining which tube lines will suffer misfortune on a day is to consult the London Lite or London Paper, two publications printed using the most modern and up-to-date Kabbalistic information as it is pinched from Madonna's dustbin. Although traditional means of sun-sign interpretation can also be used, if those papers cannot be found (an omen in itself). The same principle goes for the busses, only this time use pure Gnostic numerology to divine the likelihood of your bus arriving on time/at all. Simply take the number of the bus route - i.e. 168 - then add up all the digits - 1+6+8 - and continue until you get a single number, in our case 6. 6 is the number of Venus, and governs money, arts and diplomacy. Obviously then you can combine this with your information from the Tube Astrology - Venus, of course, being ruled by Virgo, who in turn presides over the District line.
Pay attention for other signs too - days with a lot of rain suggest a particularly strong water influence, which will naturally favour water-lines (Northern, Metropolitan, Jubilee), and cause chaos on the other 9. You should obviously cross reference too - in the morning, I take Metropolitan and Bakerloo, but never without checking first that Pisces and Capricorn are in a positive conjunction, and that neither sign is uncompatable with the 23 bus (2+3=5) which I take from Charing Cross station. In general, Northern, Hammersmith, Overground and Victoria line are the most dependable, as they represent "fixed" elements, while most care must be taken dealing with the "mutable" elements of the Circle, Metropolitan, Picadilly and District lines, all of which are astrologically doomed to be most unreliable.
Offering a suitable offering to the astral ruler of a tube line, or constructing a suitable amulet (i.e. silver and amythist to placate the Bakerloo) is statistically your likeliest way of getting to your destination on time.
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