This morning Friend 4 and I went to a "tabletop sale" at a local church hall. It was 25 pence to get in, had teas and cakes in the back room, and a bliss of sorts.

My ostensible motive was looking for a cat badge for my Sixth Doctor Costume. This has been harder than I expected it to be. There was a gold lioness, nothing like the real thing, but a possibility in the absence of something better. As I was putting it back, the lady said "That's a lucky cat badge", at which point she had me by the neck. I flashbacked to Attack of the Cybermen and had to have it. It'll do for now, and I'm already very fond of it. It reminds me of Friend 1's cat Tigger, who a long time ago we decided was a lioness who had been turned into a cat by an evil wizard. I also got a gold Lorien leaf badge, with a green stone. Speaking of costumes, last night Team Traken watched neglected classic The Ribos Operation. Fantastic episode - the only Doctor Who story to ever have me in tears without killing off a major character. Castellanne - the artist formally known as Friend 3 - has decided she wants a Romana costume.

I found The Best of Beautiful South and Everything must Go by the Manic Street Preachers for 30p each. While there's something unhealthy in buying two CDs of friend's favourite bands, I still feel a sense of achievement. I do adore Everything Must Go in my own right as well though, since listening to it on Spotify. I also found a new wallet, 30p well spent. Though I love the Death Proof one, there's no room for change. This one is far better structurally, and has a steampunk Mickey Mouse on the front. Indulging my love of Disney without actually supporting the company. Friend 4 also picked up an Angela Carter book.

The real coup was Behind the Waterfall. I was delighted to discover this piece of adorable kiddy trash in the video box. I have a love for the adorably bad. The woman said "oooh, it's really good - they don't make films like that any more", at which point I had to have it. After buying it, she commented "I hope they enjoy it". "They" are presumably my children. I smiled at her nicely, but inside felt the terror of eternity and maternity all rolled into one. Behind the Waterfall was made by "Feature Films for Families". Their motto is "strengthening family values through entertainment", and if that's not damn sinister I don't know what is! Here is the delightfully saccharine trailer:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8208526180778616717

The plot is as follows: Tommy and Becky have lost their dad, and are sent to stay with their aunt in the country. After a wonderful journey, and meeting with a Mr Connors, they "discover the importance of faith an imagination, teaching them to believe in something greater than themselves". Alice has already commented that "Oh, so he touches them, then? In a very special way?" Oh joy of joys, the back of the box has a "Parents Guide for Family Discussion":

"4. Mr Connors told the kids to watch for fairies and listen in the wind. What was Mr Connors really trying to teach the kids to believe in? Is there anything you believe in that you can't see?"

Hmmm, one wonders what sort of family values this video advocates. It wouldn't be to do with God's family, now would it? The internet tells me "I highly endorse this product or event. If you don't have anything to do for a while either pray or watch this movie but either way this is as close to heaven as you can get." I can see Me and St Peter now.

St Peter: So, do you pray often?
Me: Ah, no sir - but I have seen Behind the Waterfall hundreds of times!
St Peter: Oh, that's OK then - come straight through!

An Amazon seller is also quick to point out: "Although this movie does intentionally go about the task of teaching moral values to children, it might do this in a manner that is too "Pagan" for members of the Christian-right." Continuing with the theme of "creepy old man makes friends with innocent young children under a rainbow", I also direct you towards question five:

"5. Loving and helping others helps us forget out own pain. How did learning to love and trust Mr Connors help Tommy and Becky to heal from the death of their father?"

Fner fner. Loving and trusting, eh? My sister has made me promise to answer these questions once I have seen it. The way I see it, this film could be hilarously awful - or it could be an unexpected gem. Either would make me happy. I'm sure there are some kids with delighful memories of these things - like how I feel about Through the Dragon's Eye and how mum feels about Escape to Witch Mountain - though I can't find a single dedicated fansite on the web.

After that, we ambled through the Guet - a local bit of woodland about which I have very mixed feelings, for obscure personal reasons. We tend to play capture-the-castle there. Someone had dug out all the German gun emplacements, which had been hidden under ivy, offering some great new hiding places. I was quickly exhausted, but I'm hoping it's from lack of sleep and not protein/iron deficiency. We enjoyed this view from the watchtower, and played snipers with unaware passers by. Then whiled away a few hours listening to "Cult TV theme tunes", and cooing about Blake's 7. I feel like I'm standing on the brink. I've only seen two episodes of it, so can't qualify as a fan. But it's only going to take a tiny push to send me roaring into a crazy obsession. And it's gonna be a big one, if anyone wants to join me. I've always known, ever since coming across it, that Friend 4 would adore Avon. And she does. Normally, knowing what happens at the end of a show really distracts me. But the sheer stunning beauty of the spoiler I know convinces me to keep watching till I see it, because it sums up everything that is brilliant about that show. In short: I am in love, and only require the arrival of the Season 1 boxed set to go into mad fangirl mode.

My pa picked me up mid-squee to hit the airport for the arrival of Grandmama, Grandpapa and my cousin Super Squirrel, aged 10. Rather guiltily, I'd rather be recieving a visit from Snella's cousin - yesterday, I discovered her cousin Mike is Mike Rutherford of Mike and the Mechanics, Mike Rutherford bassist-and-spare-guitarist for Genesis. Pretty darn cool. Rather guiltily, their departure will coincide with the family watching Torchwood: Children of Earth. It's not like I don't want to see them, but I do feel bad, because relatives never see me at my best. An influx of guests always brings out my most anti-social tendancies. I've been practically hugging the piano, Oceanic has been talking soley in geeky quotes - currently, I am blogging in proximity to them playing a board game. Or when I visit relatives, they only see me grumpy, homesick and missing my friends. In addition, Super Squirrel has got to the age with which I'm not sure what to do with her. Too old for running around, or to be charmed by origami. Too young for serious debate and cinematic indoctrination. She's fairly shy, so talking with her is a bit of a trial too - as I discovered when the adults of the family decided to spend 15 minutes yakking about death by swine flu. Now I'm more scared than I should be by the idea of swine flu, so I felt a duty to talk over their bracing discussion of percentage survival rates in the workplace. It's about as comforting as nuclear-warning leaflet Protect and Survive calmly suggesting:

"If anyone dies while you are kept in your fallout room, move the body to another room in the house. Label the body with name and address and cover it as tightly as possible in polythene, paper, sheets or blankets. Tie a second card to the covering. The radio will advise you what to do about taking the body away for burial. If however you have had a body in the house for more than five days, and if it is safe to go outside, then you should bury the body for the time being in a trench, or cover it with earth, and mark the spot of the burial. "

But I very quickly ran out of things to say, so chattered loudly about Doctor Who. It'll be an interesting week.

Comments (0)