MSN have posted a list of 11 tips to becoming a movie snob. I'm checking how I measure up:
1. Always refer to films by their original foreign language titles. So it’s Ringu, not The Ring, Cicade de Deus, not City of God and Wo Hu Cang Long, not Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. If you are watching a remake, spend the whole film grumbling about how much better the original was.
Don't always do it - I'd say about 50% of the time. Depends on whether I can pronounce the foreign title, whether I can remember it, who I'm talking to and the context it's being discussed. Some films just sound better with their original title - no one refers to Das Boot as "The boat". I am a stickler for original language though - why anyone would put themself through dubbing instead of subtitles I will never understand. I've been known to grumble about remakes...
2. Never eat popcorn. For you it is a symbol of the mass produced Hollywood trash that clogs your beloved cinema. If you need sustenance, you might occasionally quaff a chai latte and crunch a few wasabi peanuts. But very, very quietly.
Guilty as charged, m'lud! I hate everything about the popcorn industry! It's overpriced (admittedly because the cinemas make very little off the films) and I hate the way they've successfuly convinced people they can't enjoy movies without munching. That connection is the bit that annoys me the most, not the rustling noises - I wouldn't dream of distracting myself with food in the cinema, not to mention others! Plus, with films getting longer and longer, you buy food you need a drink, you need a drink you need...the one exception I'll make is for energy drinks and wake-me-up foods at late night showings or movie marathons. But that is all.
3. Read all the reviews before you see the film. Make a note of any obscure references and in-jokes, and point them out to your fellow cinemagoers. They’ll thank* you for it. (*or hate)
Now I must protest at this! Firstly, I make very very sure not to read reviews before seeing films. I hate it when films get tainted by things like that. I find it very hard to watch "great movies" sometimes, because I'm distracted by how good they are supposed to be. They never measure up until a second viewing. And secondly, I find the suggestion I would research the obscure references beforehand insulting to snobdom - naturally, I always spot them myself. You don't get an overweening sense of self-importance otherwise. If it's a film I'm looking forward to, I'll have read up in the run up to the film - and in those cases, yes I'll admit to bashing people with trivia afterwards. But they love it...
4 - When organising your DVD collection, alphabeticise by director. Or, for real kudos, try doing it by cinematographer.
Hahahahaha. Director? Cinematographer? Don't be ridiculous!
I arrange by SUBGENRE. Sci fi, to scary sci fi - to horror (in order of scariness), to horror comedy, to comedy (in order of hilarity), to pitifully amusing blockbusters (Charlies Angels et al) and so on. War movies are between historical drama and thrillers, with a sub-section for epics, and they are arranged in chronological order by date of conflict.
And the worst thing is, you think I'm kidding...
5. Start using words like oeuvre and jejune in everyday conversation. Nobody really knows what they mean, but they sound awfully impressive. When discussing any group of films, even the Rambo series, refer to them as “canon”.
Maybe I'm less snob than obsessive fan? I have never used oeuvre or jejune in my life. But I do regularly refer to jump cuts, reverse dolly zooms, all manner of technical lingo - and can recite most of the BBFC's catagories and regulations. The word "canon" peppers my conversation like an AK-47. I sometimes even think of my own life in terms of what counts as canonical...
6. Treat all blockbusters as metaphors. Armageddon, for instance, is a devastating critique of American phallocentric imperialism. Bruce Willis, representing the military, violates the asteroid ( a poor developing nation) with his big steel drill. Titanic, meanwhile, is an allegory for the collapse of the Lithuanian cheese industry.
What, when we're not being baselessly nasty about them? I do do this a lot, to all films - its just the way my mind works. I did also try to argue that Air Force One was subversive Communist propaganda once, but I think that was my brain refusing to accept it really was as dumb as it looked.
7. Drag your friends to revivals of Charlie Chaplin or Jacques Tati movies and laugh uproariously at the jokes. (if you can’t find any jokes, laugh at random, no-oine will know the difference). When your friends take you to Jim Carrey or Seth Rogen’s latest, sit stony faced.
Oh I'm a little guilty of this. I did actually once drag friends to see a Buster Keaton marathon with live piano accompaniment. And I did laugh uproriously, but fortunately so did they. Sherlock Jnr. is recommended to everyone. Sure, it's a silent film, but some of those gags are just so audacious and fresh. And I do tend to dodge modern comedies, although I freely admit some probably have merit.
8. Dress the part. Your preferred attire: polo neck, casual blazer (with copy of Sight and Sound prominently displayed in pocket) slacks, and a leather manbag.
Never! I want some polo necks, but only for 60s kudos. I read Sight and Sound once but found it really boring because I hadn't heard of any of the films.
9. Obviously, you must never, ever watch the Oscars. But that shouldn’t stop you from drawing up exhaustive lists of the obscure films that ought to have won.
I think everyone knows where I stand on the Oscars.
10. Make a list of little-known works by great directors and adopt them as your favourites. Scorsese’s greatest movie? Kundun, of course. Kubrick’s finest hour? The Killing, obviously. Spielberg? It was all downhill after Duel. And so on.
Not deliberately. But I do do this. My preferred Martin Scorcese film is Mean Streets or Age of Innocence. You'd be hard pressed to find six people, who aren't my mum, to agree with me on the latter.
11. Grow a goatee. This will give you something to stroke while discussing the French new wave.
Tried it. But they made me shave it off for P.E. last year...fact which does not leave this room: I have never seen a French new wave film.
1. Always refer to films by their original foreign language titles. So it’s Ringu, not The Ring, Cicade de Deus, not City of God and Wo Hu Cang Long, not Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. If you are watching a remake, spend the whole film grumbling about how much better the original was.
Don't always do it - I'd say about 50% of the time. Depends on whether I can pronounce the foreign title, whether I can remember it, who I'm talking to and the context it's being discussed. Some films just sound better with their original title - no one refers to Das Boot as "The boat". I am a stickler for original language though - why anyone would put themself through dubbing instead of subtitles I will never understand. I've been known to grumble about remakes...
2. Never eat popcorn. For you it is a symbol of the mass produced Hollywood trash that clogs your beloved cinema. If you need sustenance, you might occasionally quaff a chai latte and crunch a few wasabi peanuts. But very, very quietly.
Guilty as charged, m'lud! I hate everything about the popcorn industry! It's overpriced (admittedly because the cinemas make very little off the films) and I hate the way they've successfuly convinced people they can't enjoy movies without munching. That connection is the bit that annoys me the most, not the rustling noises - I wouldn't dream of distracting myself with food in the cinema, not to mention others! Plus, with films getting longer and longer, you buy food you need a drink, you need a drink you need...the one exception I'll make is for energy drinks and wake-me-up foods at late night showings or movie marathons. But that is all.
3. Read all the reviews before you see the film. Make a note of any obscure references and in-jokes, and point them out to your fellow cinemagoers. They’ll thank* you for it. (*or hate)
Now I must protest at this! Firstly, I make very very sure not to read reviews before seeing films. I hate it when films get tainted by things like that. I find it very hard to watch "great movies" sometimes, because I'm distracted by how good they are supposed to be. They never measure up until a second viewing. And secondly, I find the suggestion I would research the obscure references beforehand insulting to snobdom - naturally, I always spot them myself. You don't get an overweening sense of self-importance otherwise. If it's a film I'm looking forward to, I'll have read up in the run up to the film - and in those cases, yes I'll admit to bashing people with trivia afterwards. But they love it...
4 - When organising your DVD collection, alphabeticise by director. Or, for real kudos, try doing it by cinematographer.
Hahahahaha. Director? Cinematographer? Don't be ridiculous!
I arrange by SUBGENRE. Sci fi, to scary sci fi - to horror (in order of scariness), to horror comedy, to comedy (in order of hilarity), to pitifully amusing blockbusters (Charlies Angels et al) and so on. War movies are between historical drama and thrillers, with a sub-section for epics, and they are arranged in chronological order by date of conflict.
And the worst thing is, you think I'm kidding...
5. Start using words like oeuvre and jejune in everyday conversation. Nobody really knows what they mean, but they sound awfully impressive. When discussing any group of films, even the Rambo series, refer to them as “canon”.
Maybe I'm less snob than obsessive fan? I have never used oeuvre or jejune in my life. But I do regularly refer to jump cuts, reverse dolly zooms, all manner of technical lingo - and can recite most of the BBFC's catagories and regulations. The word "canon" peppers my conversation like an AK-47. I sometimes even think of my own life in terms of what counts as canonical...
6. Treat all blockbusters as metaphors. Armageddon, for instance, is a devastating critique of American phallocentric imperialism. Bruce Willis, representing the military, violates the asteroid ( a poor developing nation) with his big steel drill. Titanic, meanwhile, is an allegory for the collapse of the Lithuanian cheese industry.
What, when we're not being baselessly nasty about them? I do do this a lot, to all films - its just the way my mind works. I did also try to argue that Air Force One was subversive Communist propaganda once, but I think that was my brain refusing to accept it really was as dumb as it looked.
7. Drag your friends to revivals of Charlie Chaplin or Jacques Tati movies and laugh uproariously at the jokes. (if you can’t find any jokes, laugh at random, no-oine will know the difference). When your friends take you to Jim Carrey or Seth Rogen’s latest, sit stony faced.
Oh I'm a little guilty of this. I did actually once drag friends to see a Buster Keaton marathon with live piano accompaniment. And I did laugh uproriously, but fortunately so did they. Sherlock Jnr. is recommended to everyone. Sure, it's a silent film, but some of those gags are just so audacious and fresh. And I do tend to dodge modern comedies, although I freely admit some probably have merit.
8. Dress the part. Your preferred attire: polo neck, casual blazer (with copy of Sight and Sound prominently displayed in pocket) slacks, and a leather manbag.
Never! I want some polo necks, but only for 60s kudos. I read Sight and Sound once but found it really boring because I hadn't heard of any of the films.
9. Obviously, you must never, ever watch the Oscars. But that shouldn’t stop you from drawing up exhaustive lists of the obscure films that ought to have won.
I think everyone knows where I stand on the Oscars.
10. Make a list of little-known works by great directors and adopt them as your favourites. Scorsese’s greatest movie? Kundun, of course. Kubrick’s finest hour? The Killing, obviously. Spielberg? It was all downhill after Duel. And so on.
Not deliberately. But I do do this. My preferred Martin Scorcese film is Mean Streets or Age of Innocence. You'd be hard pressed to find six people, who aren't my mum, to agree with me on the latter.
11. Grow a goatee. This will give you something to stroke while discussing the French new wave.
Tried it. But they made me shave it off for P.E. last year...fact which does not leave this room: I have never seen a French new wave film.
Comments (3)
Movie snob? Moi? Spent the whole of Monday showing a BBC producer the delights of our little Isle. AND I managed to suggest a REVERSE DOLLY ZOOM when in the Underground Hospital. See, a little learning can be useful.
NB I now have to verify that I'm not a Nigerian scamster by copying a non-word into a box. Most of these non-words sound like the noises made by villains punched in comic books. Todays is "thurr"
Why are they assuming all movie snobs are men???
Also, I know what ouevre means but what's jujune?
I think jejune is a bit like va-va-voom...